Another example which is very common is that of the mother who gives herself the worst food and saves the best cuts for her children or partner. If the toast is burnt, she’ll eat it anyway rather than making more. This tends to teach children that motherhood is a constant sacrifice, and leads to a martyr-mother mindset, which is damaging to family dynamics.
There is a myriad of ways in which people snub themselves and yet most of them are unaware that’s what they’re doing. They think they are being economical, frugal or efficient, but they are actually demonstrating that they feel worthless inside. It is a classic, tell-tale sign in the therapy room and one that counsellors look out for. Often, it isn’t about money: the well-off can self-slight just as much as those in financial difficulty.
While it may seem like such a small thing (because who cares if you use the front or back door to get into your house?) once this type of snub has become a habit it leads directly into self-sabotaging behaviours and this is when things become more serious. With self-sabotage you are effectively ruining your opportunities with negative behaviour.
These are classic examples of how people self-sabotage. Using alcohol to celebrate the chance rather than waiting to celebrate the results is a common mistake, and one that many people make. My advice is always to wait until the contracts are signed before celebrating. Then you can enjoy a tipple if you wish, but don’t sabotage your chances by celebrating too soon.
Another way that people self-sabotage is to simply give up on their dreams and goals. Achieving a dream is never easy and there will inevitably be disappointments along the way, but some people find disappointment very difficult to handle and so they just give up, often falling at the first fence or two. It isn’t easy to maintain the long-term motivation needed to succeed and behaviours such as missing deadlines, skipping classes, failing to turn up for an interview and so on are all ways in which people sabotage their own progress.
Self-slighting and sabotaging become patterns of behaviour. If you do it once, you are likely to do it again, until eventually you shoot yourself in the foot and miss out on the very opportunity you’ve always dreamed of. It is vital that you recognise the occasions when you are tempted to snub yourself. Do you always purchase the cheapest brand when grocery shopping? Do you only ever buy second hand clothes and furniture? Do you take a quick shower rather than a long bath? Recognising these smaller snubbing habits and nipping them in the bud is the key to avoiding the pitfall of self-sabotage.
When opportunities come to you, say thank you to the universe and then begin to prepare yourself to take on that reality – don’t just take it for granted that the job (or whatever it may be) is yours. An opportunity is just that: a chance to prove yourself and show what you can do. Just because an opportunity has been presented to you, that doesn’t mean that you’ve got the gig! Never be tempted to celebrate until you have the results you want and the contracts are signed, sealed and delivered.
Replace the habit of self-slighting with acts of self-love and self-care. Prepare as well as you can for every opportunity that is offered to you. Don’t take anything for granted and be more aware of how you treat yourself on a daily basis. Look back on your life and try to identify moments of self-sabotage so that you can be aware of when you are tempted to behave that way again. We’ve all done it at some point, so don’t feel too bad. Use the information to move forwards with positivity and live your best life. Until next month,
Serene Blessings
Marie Bruce x
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