How to Navigate Toxic Positivity

It feels like the pressure to constantly be happy and maintain a positive outlook is ever-increasing. Our culture’s obsession with productivity, perfectionism and the “Fear of Missing Out” (FOMO) further ramps up the pressure to always seem happy. Social media, in particular, contributes to this toxic environment by encouraging us to view other people’s lives through rose-tinted glasses. Constantly seeing these idealised snapshots can set unrealistic expectations and make anybody struggling to keep up with the constant positive mask, feel like they’re falling short. This demand for relentless optimism, often referred to as “toxic positivity”, can have real detrimental effects on our physical and emotional well-being. The insistence that we must always ‘be positive’ prevents us from acknowledging and addressing negative emotions, hindering our ability to heal long-term. To combat toxic positivity we need to understand what negative emotions are telling us, enhance our emotional intelligence and shift towards internal happiness. In this article, Dr Lisa Turner, Emotional Resilience expert and founder of CETfreedom, explains how to avoid falling into the trap of toxic positivity by embracing negative emotions for long- term happiness.   The Hidden Value of Negative Emotions All emotions are useful and give us essential information. We’ve become conditioned to treat all negative emotions as wrong and to be avoided at all costs. Yet, these emotions are crucial signals that deserve our attention, not our denial. Negative emotions generally arise from two sources: 1. Current Circumstances: When we move towards desired outcomes, we experience positive emotions. Conversely, when we face obstacles, fail to achieve our goals, are treated unfairly, or have our boundaries violated, we experience negative emotions. For example, if you are in an abusive relationship, feelings like hurt, anger, or fear are entirely appropriate and signal the need to take action, such as speaking up or leaving. Dismissing these feelings by "staying positive" can be dangerous, akin to self-gaslighting, and may prolong or worsen the abusive situation. 2. Unresolved Past Pain (Trauma): Sometimes, our present emotions are rooted in unresolved painful events from the past. These emotions, often triggered by current events, are signs that we need to address underlying trauma. Attempting to “positive think” these emotions away prevents true healing and can leave the trauma unresolved, perpetuating a cycle of pain.   There is Only Love The CET methodology approaches emotions from the idea that there is only one emotion which is love, from the infinite source, and that all negative emotions we experience are resistance to this love. Recognising this helps us better understand the root causes of our negative emotions and take steps toward resolving them. The five most common categories of negative emotions are: ● Anger: What we feel when love is withheld, when we don’t receive the love we deserve, or when someone acts       unlovingly. ● Sadness: What we feel when we lose something or someone, we love. ● Fear: What we feel when we think we will, or might, lose someone we love. ● Hurt: What we feel when love is withheld or when our attempt to give love is rejected. ● Guilt: What we feel when we think we did not love another enough or we did something unloving. Understanding the root causes of these emotions empowers us to address and transform them. Whether they stem from current circumstances or past trauma, negative emotions are not problems to be dismissed but signals to be heeded. Healing trauma, in particular, requires more than just positive thinking—it demands a deep, neurological change process that affirms our emotional reality rather than denies it.   The Dangers of Suppression and Denial Once we grasp the hidden value of negative emotions, it becomes clear that relying solely on positive thinking isn’t enough to solve our problems. Today's culture, with its unrealistic expectations of constant happiness, is hugely influenced by this. Social media feeds are inundated with carefully curated images of the perfect life. This relentless pursuit of positivity can lead to feelings of shame and isolation for those experiencing negative emotions. Negative emotions arising from our present circumstances, including those triggered by social media, indicate underlying issues that need addressing. It’s crucial to recognise that experiencing these emotions is not only natural but essential to our human experience. Negative emotions can act as indicators of something that needs attention, urging us to take action and make necessary changes. Suppressing or denying these feelings can hinder personal growth, which is why understanding and accepting these emotions is vital. Allowing you to catalyse true happiness and well-being. Instead of pushing negative emotions to one side because you perceive everyone else is happy, accept these emotions and the value that they can bring you. Chances are, those people you think are happy, are battling with their own negative emotions too.   Shifting the Focus: Internal Happiness To be able to access the power of our emotions to enhance wellbeing, we have to shift our focus from external to internal drivers of happiness. Evidence has shown that most people have a set point of happiness that is influenced by their environment. However, seeking happiness through external factors, such as having the latest gadgets, winning the lottery or having the “perfect” relationship, often leads to short-term, superficial happiness. These are often the kinds of wins we see on social media. Overcoming this short-term, superficial happiness requires us to look inward - not just through affirmations, but through a conscious awareness that immerses both mind and body in the present. By focusing on internal drivers of happiness, we can achieve a deeper and more lasting sense of well-being. This involves cultivating self-awareness, practising mindfulness, and engaging in activities that bring genuine joy and fulfilment. In doing so, we can create a more balanced and resilient approach to life, where happiness is derived from within rather than dependent on external circumstances. This is key to standing against the external happiness that fuels toxic positivity.   Spiritual Pain: The Ultimate Disconnection Another profound source of pain, often overlooked, is spiritual pain—the anguish we feel when we are disconnected from our source or when we are unable to live our soul’s purpose. This can be the most devastating form of emotional pain, leading to despair and depression. Like other negative emotions, spiritual pain cannot be resolved by simply thinking positively. It requires deep inner work and reconnection with our true selves and our spiritual path.   Enhancing Emotional Intelligence The development of emotional intelligence is key to this internal shift, serving as a guiding light that helps us not only recognise and comprehend our own emotions but also navigate the emotions of others. By developing this skill, we can navigate complex social scenarios, cultivate robust relationships, and make well-informed decisions with confidence. A crucial part of emotional intelligence is recognising and understanding our negative emotions, and how they impact our thoughts and behaviours. By taking proactive steps to address these emotions, we can begin to regulate our emotions and handle situations in a more constructive way. Enhancing our emotional intelligence also gives us the tools to spot unhelpful toxic positivity and prevent this from taking over our own interpretation of happiness.   When You Don’t Feel Okay, Take The Time to Reset In a world that often demands constant positivity, it’s important to challenge the harmful notion that we must always maintain a cheerful mindset. This relentless pressure fuelled by toxic positivity can be detrimental to our overall well-being and needs to be challenged. It is entirely okay to not be okay; it is normal and healthy to experience and express whatever emotions arise. Not only is it acceptable to be in a state of emotional discomfort, but it is important to recognise that these emotions that we label as “negative” also serve a purpose. They are not merely fleeting disturbances but valuable signposts, guiding us towards areas in our lives that may require attention or change. Whether we are moving away from what we want, or towards something undesirable, it is perfectly appropriate to feel a negative emotion. Moreover, even an excess of positive emotions can lead to a sense of emotional imbalance. After prolonged exposure to feel-good neurotransmitters, the receivers become saturated and the emitters become depleted, necessitating a period of recalibration. This natural resetting process is essential for maintaining our overall well-being. To facilitate this reset, individuals can explore techniques such as meditation, quiet contemplation, deep breathing or simple tasks such as cleaning or crafting. Resting in a low- stimulation environment can help reset the mind, reduce stress and create a sense of inner calm and balance. Embracing this phase, and allowing ourselves to experience a full range of emotions, helps us to cultivate a healthier emotional balance and avoid the pitfalls of toxic positivity.   Conclusion Ultimately, toxic positivity is not only harmful to an individual’s immediate well-being but has a negative domino effect on their future happiness too. By not recognising and understanding the negative emotions of today, you can struggle to create healthy thought processes and behaviours in the future. Instead, by embracing the full spectrum of human emotions, we can unlock our true potential for happiness and fulfilment today, tomorrow and beyond. Letting go of the pressures of constant positivity allows us to create space for authenticity, vulnerability and growth. Remember, it’s okay to not feel okay, and embracing negative emotions has the power to guide us toward what truly makes us happy. Check out our latest magazine edition for Autumn 2024 here.