By Anne Jones, self-help author and speaker
This article is part of a series I wrote to help you manage your energy levels and to cope with the negativity you can face day to day from those you work and live with and to rise above the heavy vibes created by irritating and demanding people that can lower your quality of life.
Living with responsibility
The Energy of Responsibility can be empowering, fulfilling and uplifting. Being a leader, a role model, caring parent, carer, community representative, ambassador for country are all very fulfilling roles and when performed with love not only help society but also has a huge payback to yourself – similar to the Helpers High that you get when you are kind to people. All good stuff!
Can it go wrong?
So what can be bad about taking responsibility? Well, let’s look now at some of the fall-out when we overstep our responsibilities
- Self-Sacrifice. If you overdo it and you give of yourself, your time or resources to the point where you are giving the reserves you need for your own wellbeing then you are in danger of self-sacrificing. There is nothing spiritual about this state. There is no place for it in the modern Aquarian times – we no longer need to sacrifice ourselves for the good of others. Once reason is that self-sacrifice goes hand in hand with resentment. Sooner or later your own basic need for self-perseveration will battle with your altruism and you will not be giving with love but from a sense of resentment and eventually anger.
- You Take on the Role of Fixer. The rescue and save syndrome. It’s very easy to fall into the trap that you feel you are so responsible for someone that you feel you must make everything right for them. This is how I felt for my mother when she became frail. When she complained that she wanted to leave hospital I felt that it was my fault that she was unhappy. I felt as though I was being stabbed in the heart. I then realised that it was because I had taken on the responsibility for not only for her physical wellbeing but also for her emotional state. An impossible task and when I told her that I felt responsible for her happiness she looked at me and said “Then you are stupid” we laughed and laughed and I felt set free! From then on I let her be happy or sad and I just focused on her physical state and loving her with all my heart. She was a remarkable, wise and loving woman, bless her, and totally capable of managing her own emotions!
- Disempowering by Carrying. If you carry someone they will lose the use of their legs. Parents can fall into this trap – feeling they must rescue and solve all the problems that their children experience. Everyone has the right to find their way in life and everyone has their own lessons to learn. If you step in and remove all the obstacles they will just have to manifest them again and again until you step back and let them resolve their problems themselves. You disempower your child if you do everything for them. No child would walk if the parent carried them to save them from falling. Of course, we will always want to help and guide our children – that is the responsibility of a parent but if you go over the top – helicoptering as its now called – then you will destroy their sense of self-esteem and independence.
What is the outcome? Burdens
The outcome of all the above will lead to you carrying your responsibilities on your shoulders. Your sense of care and responsibility will turn into burdens – heavy energy balls that sit on your shoulders like rocks. You may even get pain in your shoulders and neck. You will feel exhausted and become bowed down by the weight of your expectations of yourself.
What can you do?
Realise that you cannot save, carry or fix someone. IT’S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! You cannot make decisions for others unless they have completely lost their faculties. You cannot make someone happy, that is their responsibility not yours, you cannot make choices for others otherwise you are taking away their will, independence and personal power.
- Take a break. If you are a carer make sure you arrange time for fun, rest and recuperation.
- Get other people to help. When two carry a load it swings more easily between you both.
- Don’t mix up love and duty. Tap your heart to remind yourself.
- In situations where you know you are can get too involved or are tempted to carry or fix someone. Step back and set them free. Watch with love but don’t interfere unless asked.
- Ask the person you are helping what they want, don’t presume or make choices for them otherwise you become overloaded and they become disempowered.
Exercise – to clear the energy of burdens
- Sweep through your aura and visualise cutting through all the controlling cords that you have created between you and the other person.
- Sweep your shoulders and release the burdens that sit there.
- Say “I release and let go all responsibilities and duties that are not mine to carry, I release them now, right now, right now.”
Finally, encourage self-responsibility in yourself, your family and those you can influence. This brings self-esteem, a sense of independence, fulfilment and personal power. All positive stuff! Good luck this is not easy but so rewarding!
About the author: Anne Jones is an international author and key-note speaker. Her self-help books have been translated into 17 languages. With her down to earth style she helps her audiences and readers to find ways to cope with everyday problems and overcome the effects of trauma and loss. She gives practical advice on how to stay uplifted and energised as you face the challenges of life.